Nobody Warned Me About the Loneliness: My First Year as an Expat in Lisbon

Last updated: March 2026

I'm going to tell you something that none of the "10 Reasons to Move to Lisbon" articles will mention: I cried in a Pingo Doce supermarket three weeks after arriving. Not because anything bad happened. Because nobody knew my name.

I'd moved from Chicago to Lisbon with a remote job, a suitcase, and the unshakable confidence that moving abroad would be the best decision of my life. And eventually, it was. But the first four months? They were the loneliest stretch I've ever experienced.

Month 1: The Honeymoon That Wasn't

Quick answer: The excitement of arriving fades fast when you realize tourism and actually living somewhere are completely different experiences.

The first two weeks were great. I explored Alfama, ate pastéis de nata at Manteigaria, took the 28 tram. Classic tourist stuff. But by week three, the novelty wore off and the reality hit: I had no friends, no routine, and no idea how Portuguese bureaucracy worked.

Getting my NIF (tax number) took three visits to the Finanças office in Saldanha. My landlord communicated exclusively through a property manager who responded to emails once a week. The WiFi in my Airbnb cut out every afternoon at 3 PM.

I started working from a café in Príncipe Real called Copenhagen Coffee Lab. Not because the coffee was life-changing (it was good), but because the barista said "bom dia" to me every morning and it was the only Portuguese conversation I had all day.

Month 2-3: The Quiet Desperation Phase

Quick answer: Weekend loneliness is the hardest part — when everyone around you seems to have somewhere to be and you don't.

Weekdays were manageable. Work filled the hours. But Saturdays hit different. I'd watch groups of friends at brunch in Santos, couples walking dogs in Jardim da Estrela, families having Sunday lunch. And I'd sit on a bench with my book, pretending I preferred it this way.

I tried the obvious things. I downloaded Meetup and went to an "Expats in Lisbon" event at a bar in Cais do Sodré. Forty people crammed into a loud space, everyone clutching beers and shouting over each other. I lasted 45 minutes, talked to two people about the weather, and went home feeling worse than before.

I signed up for InterNations. Same energy — networking events disguised as social gatherings. Everyone asking "what do you do?" and "how long have you been here?" on repeat.

Month 4: The Turning Point

Quick answer: Regular, repeated exposure to the same people in low-pressure settings is what actually builds friendships abroad — not one-off networking events.

What changed everything was stupidly simple: I started going to the same coworking space every day.

I joined a small coworking space in Anjos — not a flashy one, just twelve desks and a coffee machine. By the third week, I knew everyone's name. By the fifth week, someone asked if I wanted to grab lunch. By month two, four of us had a standing Friday dinner.

The research backs this up. According to social psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Hall, it takes approximately 50 hours of time together to move from acquaintance to casual friend, and 200 hours for a close friendship. The problem with expat networking events is they offer 2-3 hours with strangers you'll never see again. A coworking space offers 8 hours a day with the same people.

Month 5-8: Building a Life

Quick answer: Once you have two or three reliable people, Lisbon opens up in ways you couldn't access alone.

My coworking crew became my anchor. Through them, I met their friends. Through those friends, I found a Portuguese language exchange group that met weekly in a bar in Intendente. Through the language group, I met a Portuguese woman named Catarina who invited me to her birthday party.

That birthday party — in a cramped apartment in Graça with 30 people, fado playing on a speaker, and grilled sardines on the balcony — was the first time in Lisbon I felt like I belonged somewhere.

Some practical things that actually worked:

1. Same café, same time, every day. The baristas at Copenhagen Coffee Lab eventually introduced me to another regular.
2. Portuguese classes in person (not apps). I took a course at CIAL in Marquês de Pombal. Twelve students, same class for 8 weeks. Built-in community.
3. Volunteering with Refood — a Portuguese food redistribution charity. Two hours on Wednesday evenings, working alongside locals.
4. Joining a running group (Lisbon Runners, meets Saturday at Cais do Sodré). Zero pressure, just show up and run.

What I'd Tell Someone Moving to Lisbon Tomorrow

Quick answer: The loneliness is temporary, but it's real, and pretending it doesn't exist makes it worse. Plan for it like you'd plan for housing or visa paperwork.

Don't move to Portugal expecting instant community. The Portuguese are warm but reserved — they have their friend groups from school and university, and they're not actively looking for new people. That's not unfriendly; it's just cultural.

Budget for loneliness the way you budget for rent. Set aside money for a coworking membership (€120-200/month), language classes (€200-300/month), and one social activity per week. These aren't luxuries — they're infrastructure.

And give it six months before you judge. The expats who leave after three months often quit right before the breakthrough.

Read more: Lisbon City Guide | Portugal Cost of Living | Portugal Healthcare

Key Takeaways

• Expat loneliness typically peaks at months 2-4 before gradually improving
• Large networking events rarely lead to real friendships — repeated exposure in small groups does
• Coworking spaces, in-person language classes, and volunteering are the three highest-impact social investments
• Portuguese culture is warm but reserved; expect friendship-building to take 3-6 months
• Budget €300-500/month for "social infrastructure" (coworking, classes, activities) — it's as essential as rent

Sources

1. Expat Loneliness Guide — Allianz Care
2. Making Friends Abroad — Expat Network
3. Jeffrey Hall Friendship Research — University of Kansas
4. Tips for Making Friends — Harmonizing the Chaos