I Asked 50 Expats Their Biggest Regret About Moving Abroad — The Number One Answer Will Surprise You

Over the past six months, I've been interviewing expats. Not the Instagram ones posing with laptops on Bali beaches — the real ones. The ones who've lived abroad for 2, 5, 10 years. The ones who built actual lives in foreign countries.

I asked every single one the same question: "What is your single biggest regret about moving abroad?"

I expected answers about money. Visas. Bureaucracy. Language barriers.

I was wrong.

Key Takeaways

1. 28% of expats' biggest regret is not moving sooner — not money, not visas, not loneliness
2. Language is the #2 regret — start before you arrive, not after
3. Relationships back home fade unless you actively maintain them
4. 12% picked the wrong city first — research neighborhoods, visit for a month, use our match quiz
5. 6 months of savings is the sweet spot — less is stressful, more means you'll never leave
6. Zero-regret expats all share the same pattern: quick action + proper preparation

The biggest risk isn't moving abroad. It's spending another year thinking about it.

Last updated: March 31, 2026

The Results

I categorized all 50 responses. Here's what they said:

The #1 regret: "I wish I'd done it sooner."

Not money. Not visas. Not loneliness. The thing that haunts expats most is the years they spent thinking about moving instead of doing it.

"I Wasted Five Years Being Scared"

Rachel, 38, American in Lisbon

"I talked about moving to Portugal for five years. Five years of 'maybe next year,' saving a little more, reading one more blog post, watching one more YouTube video. When I finally moved, I realized I could have done it at 32 with half the savings I had at 37. Those five years of my life in a job I hated — that's what I regret. Not a single thing about the move itself."

"My Only Regret Is the Years I Didn't Spend Here"

James, 52, British in Chiang Mai

"I retired to Thailand at 50. I could have done it at 45 if I'd had the courage. Those five extra years in the UK were just... running out the clock. Same commute, same pub, same weather. Here I wake up to mountains, eat incredible food for £3, and my pension goes three times further. My regret? The 1,825 days I spent in a grey office when I could have been here."

The Second Biggest Regret: Language

18% said not learning the language fast enough.

This one surprised me because most expats I know intend to learn the language. The regret isn't that they didn't try — it's that they didn't try hard enough, fast enough.

Maria, 34, Canadian in Mexico City

"I joined the English-speaking expat bubble immediately. A year later, I realized I'd built an entire social life that didn't include a single Mexican friend. My Spanish was still at tourist level. I regret not forcing myself into uncomfortable situations from day one. The language isn't just communication — it's the key to actually living here, not just existing as a permanent tourist."

Thomas, 41, German in Tokyo

"Four years in Japan and my Japanese is embarrassingly basic. I work in English, socialize in English, order food by pointing. I'm in Japan but I'm not really in Japan. That's my regret. I'm surrounded by one of the richest cultures on Earth and I experience maybe 20% of it because I was too lazy to sit through Japanese classes."

Losing Touch With Home: The Silent Grief

16% said losing relationships back home.

This is the regret nobody warns you about. Your friends don't disappear overnight. They fade. One missed birthday, one unanswered call, one "we should catch up soon" that turns into six months of silence.

David, 45, Australian in Berlin

"My best mate from uni got married last year. I wasn't there. Not because I couldn't afford the flight — because we'd drifted so far apart that I found out through Instagram, not a phone call. That's on me. I moved to Berlin and got so caught up in my new life that I let a 20-year friendship dissolve into occasional likes on social media."

Priya, 36, Indian in Amsterdam

"My parents are aging. I video-call them every week, but it's not the same as being there when my mother had her knee surgery. My cousin's wedding, my nephew's first birthday — I was a face on a screen for all of them. The career opportunities here are incredible, but sometimes I wonder if the cost is higher than I calculated."

Choosing the Wrong City

12% said they picked the wrong place first.

Jake, 29, American in Barcelona (after 18 months in Madrid)

"Everyone told me Madrid was 'the real Spain.' Maybe it is. But I'm not a big-city, stay-up-till-3-AM, formal-dinner-at-10-PM person. I wasted 18 months trying to force myself to love Madrid before admitting I needed a beach, a more relaxed vibe, and a city that wasn't constantly testing my sleep schedule. Barcelona was the answer all along."

Leah, 33, Canadian in Medellín (after 8 months in Bogotá)

"Bogotá is great — if you love cold weather, traffic, and altitude headaches. I moved there because it was the 'serious' choice. Eight months later I was depressed, freezing, and questioning everything. A friend convinced me to visit Medellín for a weekend. I moved there the following month. Should have started there."

This is exactly why we built the country matching quiz — choosing the right city first saves you months of wasted time and money.

Not Saving Enough

10% said they should have saved more before leaving.

But here's the nuance — it wasn't about not having enough money. It was about not having enough runway.

Sam, 31, British in Bali

"I moved with three months of savings. That sounds fine until you realize the first month is finding an apartment, the second month is settling in, and by month three you're desperately freelancing while panicking about rent. If I'd saved six months instead of three, I could have actually enjoyed the transition instead of white-knuckling through it."

The sweet spot, based on all 50 interviews: 6 months of living expenses saved before you move. Not 3 (too tight), not 12 (you'll never leave).

The Expats With Zero Regrets

Seven people — 14% — said they genuinely had no regrets at all. Zero.

What did they have in common?

1. They moved within 6 months of deciding (no analysis paralysis)
2. They started learning the language before arriving
3. They chose a city based on lifestyle fit, not just cost
4. They maintained scheduled calls with family/friends back home
5. They had 6+ months of savings as a buffer

In other words, they prepared properly AND acted quickly. The combination of preparation and urgency seems to be the formula for a regret-free move.

What Would They Do Differently?

I asked everyone a follow-up: "If you could go back and change one thing about how you moved, what would it be?"

How to Avoid These Regrets

Based on 50 real conversations:

1. Stop planning, start moving. If you've been thinking about it for more than a year, the planning is procrastination. Set a date. Book a one-way ticket.

2. Start language lessons NOW. Not when you arrive. Not next month. Today. Even 15 minutes of Duolingo daily for 3 months before you move makes a massive difference.

3. Visit for 2-4 weeks first, not a weekend. A weekend vacation doesn't tell you what living somewhere feels like. Rent an apartment for a month via Airbnb. Work from there. Grocery shop. Commute. See if you still love it on a rainy Tuesday.

4. Choose the neighborhood, not just the country. Use our neighborhood guides (1,800+) to research at the street level. The difference between El Poblado and Laureles in Medellín is bigger than the difference between Medellín and Bogotá.

5. Save 6 months of expenses. Not just rent — total monthly costs. Use our cost of living data for your target city to calculate the real number.

6. Schedule family time before you leave. Put weekly video calls on the calendar. Share a photo album. Send postcards. Relationships don't maintain themselves across time zones.